Journal Writing for Mental Illness

Photo by Matt Beckwith

Last week we talked about mindfulness and different tools that can help create balance and well-being in mental illness. I focused in on meditation particularly a type that further creates distance from your emotions and thoughts making them less likely to impact your mood (click here to read). This week I will discuss my favorite and most successful tool for my mental well-being; writing.

There is no way I can express how liberating and healing writing can be except the obvious, explain it to you. I have written in a journal since I was 10 or 11. I would write off and on for the remainder of my life and it helped to get my feelings out and work through issues. However, for the last two years I have written every morning consistently, never missing a beat. Now, I could never possibly see myself ever giving up that time. My morning writing time goes from 10 minutes to an hour depending on each day. I also put in extra time if I am having a bad day. If I have anxiety I write. If I am depressed I write. If my mind is racing by like a freight train I write.

When searching about writing and mental illness I found a lot of information on journaling and trauma. I did not find anything specifically pertaining to mental illness and writing so I am glad to share this information with you. It is of course beneficial to write about traumatic events as it helps to cope with the situation and come to the deepest parts of the hurt we have endured from the situation but what about the rest of us who feel agonizing mental and emotional pain from our own mind without a reason why? Not including the devastation our behaviors and mind do on our daily lives. That can be traumatic in itself.

Journaling can keep us in balance especially if used on a daily basis. It is like having a therapist right in our home everyday. I believe that others including friends, family, and trained professionals can give us much needed guidance but only we know what is the best for us. I would not have believed that two years ago. I believed I did not know what was best, my mind was sick, how could I be of any help to myself? I never trusted my mind as it tricked me and I looked back at a ruined life that I created. Only in consistently working with myself and writing did I gain back trust in myself and took more control of my mind.

Tips on Journaling For Mental Illness

There are no set rules on journaling. Nothing is set in stone, however, I want to share some tips so that you can get the most out of it. Take what works with you and leave the rest.

Time- Put aside time in your day preferably the same time everyday to write for at least 5 to 10 min. One tip you may have heard before especially for those of you who have Bipolar Disorder is routine. Routine keeps your moods in balance and it helps when your moods are off. With routine you know what to expect so you don't get thrown of the bus so to speak (that's what it feels like anyways).

For those of you that are on a tight schedule get a timer. You can get lost in writing especially when your in the moment, I don't want you to discourage yourself from writing because you had to skip breakfast and get to work.

Equipment- Sounds important doesn't it? Get paper, notebook, pens, pencils, computer whatever you feel comfortable with. There are even cool apps you can download for your phone that may encourage you. If you really want to get fancy go to Barnes & Noble and get a leather bound notebook or one with Mickey Mouse whatever get's you excited to write!

The Writer- I will say it here, if you think you are not a good writer or a bad speller you can still write! If it matters to you practice makes you better anyways but in journaling it really doesn't matter. Plus we have spell check, thank goodness for spell check!

Rules for Writing

There is no rule for what you should write. However, for therapeutic reasons there is a rule for what you shouldn't write. That's right, you heard it. You shouldn't censor anything. You should write about whatever is on your mind. Never think to yourself you shouldn't write about something. If your writing about your grandma Betty and you imagine yourself wanting to strangle her with her panty hose then write it! Obviously your angry and why not 'pretend' to hurt her then hurt her in real life. No one has to read it. I won't tell anyone, I promise.

Free-writing and Therapy

Free-writing is what I do now for the majority of the time unless a specific problem pops up in my life. Free-writing is where you turn off your conscious mind and let your inner world take over. The rule for this one is write and keep writing without stopping or thinking about what you are writing. Sometimes your mind will get stuck on a specific topic, meaning it is something you care about and are passionate of. By reading a series of free-written material you can tell what your sub-conscious mind is per-occupied with. For example if your writing is stuck on how you can't do this or do that, the statement, “I just don't know,” pops up a lot that could be a problem of self-doubt buried deep in your psyche. I should know this, that was my ultimate problem.

If you want to use journaling as a tool specifically for working through issues write a list of problems you want to work on. If your not sure try free writing to get any ideas out. Then take one of your problems you wrote down and free write but keep focused on that issue. After you are done read what you wrote. Yes you have to read it, I know I didn't want to either. What do you think about what you've written? Have you come across any insights or other issues you were unaware of? Sometimes you will have an a-ha moment, maybe your going to need to write more, you will know when you have gotten to the bottom of a problem. I guarantee you will have a sense of relief.

Has anyone ever used writing as a therapeutic tool? Do you have any tips to share with others? Leave any comments below. Thank you and happy writing!

Mindfulness and Meditation

Mindfulness means to be mindful or aware of our thoughts, feelings, and environmental surroundings. Most of us our lost in our heads, our thoughts run our life, we see through veils of our own beliefs, feelings, and thoughts. Our brain seems to be set up for disaster especially in the case of mental illness. If we let our brains go wild we can become easily disconnected from reality. So the practice of mindfulness and awareness is imperative to our sanity.

The western world

I have often dreamed of living in the wilderness or on my own land far away from society living amongst nature and surviving off the land. I daydream that maybe in that type of environment I would feel at ease and at peace.

I know though that it is not necessarily my environment that causes my discord it is my mind. No matter where I have gone (and I've moved a lot) my mind follows and the same issues eventually arise.

Maybe it is just me, maybe you have felt this way too but I just can't get in the groove of this type of civilization. I see a world run by money, advertising, commerce. Working 9 to 5 jobs, having to be on top of to the do lists. If you slip up it is likely that your safe secure world will crumble or at least be difficult to get back on track.

If you live with a mental illness this reality may have become apparent to you. It is increasingly hard to maintain a functioning life in this society with the ever increasing demands and hoops we must all jump through. Factor in absolutely no down time or down time watching cable TV our minds constantly being hit with more useless information we have no awareness of, well, awareness.

To keep my sanity I do not watch the news, I don't watch horror movies, I do not listen to negative music, I will not keep bad company. Again this is me, these things bother me. To keep my sanity I do not expose myself to any negative situations or environments.

It has taken me years of writing, meditating, and observing myself and my environment to realize these things really do bother me and why. Now I can choose things that will better my moods or keep them stable and my mind clear, well somewhat clear, hey I’m not perfect. Far from it my friend. But I am surely better than I was, so we are off to a good start.

                                                                                  Meditation as a Tool

I recently read an article on the NAMI website talking about tools to create mindfulness and to practice it. It discusses meditation, deep breathing, yoga, and art like writing, painting, sculpting, decorating. You can read the article here as it also has a personal story of someone who has used different techniques to regain his sanity which I found inspiring.

I want to focus on one tool for now; meditation. Meditation is the practice of becoming still. Most people would say it is the practice of clearing your thoughts but the moment you sit down, relax, and become comfortable the first thing that happens is your mind wanders and thoughts race in. Our mind does this. Mental ill or not it is normal. A practice I have found very profound for my well-being is watching my thoughts and letting them be there. Not judging, not following them, just sitting back and watching them breeze by. Just let the thoughts roll by and don't analyze them. If your mind becomes too attached to any one thought or image push it out.

What I find that works best is create your own mental image or word you can focus on. Lets say your mental image is of a flower. If your mind gets too attached to your thoughts or other images go back to the image of a flower and hold it in your mind for a few seconds and let it go which means your not trying to force the image to stay in your minds eye. It can stay or it can leave it doesn't matter. What matters is is allowing your mind to be still and allowing it to flow. It's like watching a river, your sitting on the edge of the embankment watching the water flow by. You get entranced by the calmness of the water. You can do the same with the thoughts and images in your head just watch them flow by and become entranced in the calmness.

This type of meditation practice watching and observing is one of the most beneficial I found for my life. The biggest benefit being 'letting go'. If you practice this you can use it outside of meditation. What if you could see the events of your day and watch them exactly as you watched the river of your mind pass by you? Life wouldn't drive you crazy anymore! Well not as bad anyways; we all slip up.

Have you ever seen the movie Peaceful Warrior? The young man in the story meets an old man who he finds intriguing and wise and wants to know how the old man can do the things he does. The old man teaches him to meditate. He makes the young man clean bathrooms and do daunting cleaning tasks and the young boy gets so angry and yells how the hell is cleaning a bathroom going to train my mind? The old man tells him he has to learn that everything we do is a meditation. Once you realize this, once you become fully aware of the present moment, any moment, cleaning toilets or driving your car you can master your mind which means to be present or aware.

The movie is based on true events that Dan Millman experienced who later became a medal winning gymnast and writer. He learned that when he focused on the moment and become fully present and aware he was able to perform better than he normally did. Believe me if I’m present I can not only do things better I can “do things”, meaning I can actually function. Sometimes brushing my teeth is an accomplishment, I don't need to be on New York’s Best Sellers List; I brushed my teeth! Alright, that would be nice too.  

Importance of Self-awareness and Honesty

Why is it so important to have self-awareness when we have a mental illness? When you can look at yourself honestly and be open to your behaviors, flaws, short-comings you can overcome them. The more you know yourself the better you can cope and the less your illness will take control of your life.

An analogy I can think of is a car. The car is your illness. Most times we feel we are the passenger in the car, we feel we have no control of the illness, it drives through our lives running down everyone and everything in our path (oh has it ever!). When we become aware of ourselves we are in the drivers seat. We still may get lost and hit some pot holes but we aren't running over peoples garden gnomes, well maybe sometimes. We aren't all the best divers, we just need some practice.

We know it's important but how do you get self-awareness? Being honest with yourself. Honesty will set you free, seriously. I really live by this. I go as far as being open and honest with anyone I interact with on a daily basis about my illness. I blatantly tell others, “Yup, I’m a total loon, I've lost my marbles, I'm indefinably wacko.” Most people writing for the mental health community more than not hide behind a pen name or don't utter a word of it to others besides close friends or family. I can't do that. I feel it carry's a message of shame. I don't feel shame for having an illness. I don't expect others to do that but for me I have found complete honesty to be freeing. The mindful concept of letting go of attachments has really dug it's root deep in my mind.

You don't have to blurt out to everyone your a nut case to have honesty or self-awareness. I do because I like connecting with others. I do it because I see strength instead of weakness and most times it inspires or uplifts others. I do it because it allows me to see myself humorously and take life less serious which is another article all together.

The bottom line is be honest with yourself. If your depressed say it don't hide it. My biggest downfall was hiding behind a happy smile and pretending everything was okay when in fact it wasn't. Another downfall for me was denying I had anything wrong with me at all. For years I thought I had character flaws that I could fix when in fact I needed to learn how to cope. Then before I knew it I pretty much destroyed my life. Connections with friends, jobs, opportunity's, family, the list goes on. I looked back at the carnage and it hit me like a semi-truck, I really have something wrong with me. I would never have done all this in my right state of mind. 

Besides talking to others one tool I use daily is journaling. I write everything down. Good and bad. Every horrible grotesque thought, I bring it out to the open. It really does help. Just writing alone has helped me become more self-aware and honest with myself. If i'm having a bad day with panic attacks, anxiety, depression, I write off and on all day. One thing to realize though many times there is no reason for depression or any other symptom of an illness, it's just there. Your not always going to find the 'reason' for the way your feeling but it helps keep the thoughts or feelings from careening of the side of a cliff.

What things have you tried to help gain some self insight? Share below in the comment section.

Problems, Decisions, Oh My!

“You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it.”

-Albert Einstein

I love this Quote. The truth of it rings clear in my mind. If I have a problem in my life it will not get solved with the same state of mind from which it arose.

An example I can think of is I dislike my job. I am overworked and under appreciated. I am angry for my employer not appreciating my hard work. I complain to friends about how much I hate my job. The more I think about my job the angrier I get. I feel trapped. The moment I realize I can change it is when I see I can either talk to my boss about this or find a better employer. I feel empowered. I no longer dwell in anger I have moved my state of mind to a higher place, hence I am not in the same state of mind that the problem was created in.

This concept is even more important to let roll around in your mind when you have a mental illness. Situations like the one described are triggers for us. Sometimes I handle problem solving like a pro but other times I’d be better off letting my cat solve any of my life dilemmas.

Let's go even smaller on the problem solving scale; what do you want to do? I despise this question particularly because I used to be so indecisive. My husband would always want to know exactly what I wanted. Even small decisions seem like big problems when your minds ajar. I know my brain is fizzled when I get panicked when I can't make a simple decision. Let your brain rest and let it go.

Know when you can and can't do things. If you absolutely cannot see the problem in a different light than it originally started then drop it. This doesn't mean you should avoid everything that stresses you out but really know your limits. Sometimes we just can't do it, but that's okay.

I wrote an article about letting go which explains the benefits and importance for us to let go of as many attachments as we can. The less we are attached to the less we take personal and the less triggers we have. If you cannot move your focus out of how awful you feel about the situation let it go and come back later. The same concept is used in writing when editing and revising, write as much as you can then walk away. Let the project sit for a little bit (time is up to your needs) then when you come back you read it through new eyes. Those new eyes can see a lot you didn't see the first time. Same goes with handling situations.

Have you ever had something on the tip of your tongue to an answer you or someone asked? Like who was that guy with blonde hair in Tremors that they made a game out of? It's right there, you can't remember it. The more you think about it the more it drives you crazy. Then you give up and remember it right when you lay down to go to bed and you blurt out, “Kevin Bacon! The six degrees of Kevin Bacon. Oh yeah.” You got it. (Off topic, the six degrees of Kevin Bacon game is based off of the six degrees of separation concept, check it out it's interesting!)

I have learned that living with a mental illness takes ingenuity and efficient use of energy to maintain well being. It takes every brain cell we have left just to get dressed in the morning sometimes. If we practice making decisions from a better state of mind and or letting it go when we can't the more we will be able to maintain mental well-being.

Pardon My French

I accept myself the way I am. Do you think I believed that hokey line? Nope. I am too crazy, my mind is all messed up. I screw my life up every chance I get. If I don't control my mental illness it will control me. The more I fight the less I win.

All I wanted was to be normal. I want to be able to get through each day flawless with no issues. Maybe you do too. Maybe you want to get through the day keeping a stable mood, a smile on your face, and have happy warm thoughts walking slowly by.

I tried writing hundreds of affirmations a day, “I love myself, I accept myself just as I am.” It would make a small improvement but it didn't take root. It didn't take root because I cared. I cared about my image, I cared about how others saw me, I cared how others reacted towards me.

After years of struggling to 'fix' myself I had a realization, I was deeply attached to those thoughts. An analogy is thoughts are like seeds and our mind is a garden. Those affirmations meant nothing as long as I already had a full garden. Our mind is full of attachments and as long as you identify with them you will never truly see yourself for who YOU are and what YOU can become.

I listened to what society told me was right. Society told me it's not acceptable to show my emotions so I bottled them up. People told me I am more intelligent so I shouldn't be working in the service industry, so I felt shame working. The world told me it is not okay to slow down, to relax, to take it easy so I don't lose my mind. There is no pause button on life although I have imagined it many times. But the big turning point for me was (pardon my french) F*ck it!

F*ck it; the westerners path to enlightenment. I first heard of this from John C. Parkins, F**k it the ultimate spiritual way. It sure is the ultimate spiritual way, I will attest to that. It's the equivalent to the concept of letting go of all attachments.

Did your spouse upset you? F*ck it! Did your kids make a huge scene in Target acting like wild animals? F*ck it! Did you need to finish a project but couldn't because you weren't feeling well? F*ck it!

We are told that we should learn our triggers as I have learned from educating myself for my bipolar disorder. What I came to find out is I have a enormous amount of triggers! It seems wiser just to hide in a cave in the wilderness and eat berry's all day. Of course I am not discouraging this method but for some of us I think we can gain more progress letting things go.

When this concept takes root in your mind you will feel a sense of peace. The world that was on your shoulders dissipates. The thoughts keeping you up at night become few and far between, and ultimately you will feel more confident and empowered. Then when the thought comes up, “I accept myself for who I am,” you will believe it.