Letting Go for a New Year

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What does the New Year represent in the contemporary western world? Time to work on our New Years resolutions. Okay, so we lived another year and I am sure if you were participating in the year you probably picked up a lot of junk. We keep pushing through life, never resting, and always feel we need to do more the next year. Well, what if we have no room to allow anything new in?

I have been thinking since the winter Solstice has come to pass and the New Year is almost here what does this time of year signify? Winter is symbolized as death, as release, reflection. The nights get longer the days shorter. The world freezes over, life slows down, and there is stillness; it's the dead of winter. In other words winter is a time to reflect on our year and really see where we are in our lives. The New Year should be about letting go of things that no longer serve us. How can we add more to an already full cup?

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” 
― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

I challenge you to begin the New Year by giving up something, letting go of something that doesn't serve or benefit you. One of the greatest accomplishments I did last year was let go of toxic relationships. Abusive in-laws, friends, even neighbors; letting go of the relationships that didn't serve for my progression in myself and life. Relationships that triggered the crazy to come out; literally! My husband is now working on the same thing.

A lot of energy goes into maintaining relationships whether they are healthy or unhealthy. This goes for relationships with other people, ourselves, the physical world, spirituality, etc. A relationship is anything that there is an exchange going on. With our partners we exchange love, gratitude, acceptance. With work we exchange our time and services for money. We exchange money for items or services we want. Life is a never ending cycle of exchange. Unbalance comes from giving our energy with little to nothing in return.

This is a time to look at where we are putting our energy and if we are getting anything back. This is not a selfish outlook, which is a deeply rooted belief in our culture. We are taught to give and not expect back. Does it feel good to constantly put time, energy, and love into someone who gives no thanks, complains and puts you down? Unless your a masochist I am assuming the answer is no. Then what is the point of exchanging energy? If no good comes of it, why bother?

A very good friend of mine set this in motion in my own life through her example. She did something that still many people frown on which was ending her relationship with her mother. She tried to work things out, she desperately tried to cultivate a stable relationship with her but it never happened. She was left exhausted after each visit or talk on the phone. She became unsettled and angry for days after each interaction. The relationship drained her for so long she just couldn't do it anymore.

After letting go of the relationship she found she was able to let go of the resentment and hate she had for her abusive mother. She could finally breathe and move on with her life. She was then able to create new better relationships with others, she learned to set her boundaries with others and became more empowered in doing so. Her journey was an inspiration for me because all the years I had known her her greatest growth happened when she let go. I admired her for her strength.

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.” ― Ann Landers

You may not want to make a move like this just yet. Take this time to reflect about your relationships with others and the world around you. When you realize how you give your energy to people or things that deplete you your able to start reserving yourself. This means for example, that lets say your sister is negative and she calls you to complain about her endless list of woes, instead of feeding into her own drama half listen. Cut the call short if you feel yourself being pulled into her black hole. This is a mental health blog anyways, I am sure you have enough problems dealing with yourself! Giving yourself to others who may or may not intentionally drain you will not help bring about mental well being. I'm just saying.

In this New Year realize you do matter. You are important and deserve to live as you desire. It is your call your life to let go of the things and people that you don't find fruitful. Believe me it is well worth it, your mental well being depends on it!

I wish you all a Happy New Year!

Problems, Decisions, Oh My!

“You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it.”

-Albert Einstein

I love this Quote. The truth of it rings clear in my mind. If I have a problem in my life it will not get solved with the same state of mind from which it arose.

An example I can think of is I dislike my job. I am overworked and under appreciated. I am angry for my employer not appreciating my hard work. I complain to friends about how much I hate my job. The more I think about my job the angrier I get. I feel trapped. The moment I realize I can change it is when I see I can either talk to my boss about this or find a better employer. I feel empowered. I no longer dwell in anger I have moved my state of mind to a higher place, hence I am not in the same state of mind that the problem was created in.

This concept is even more important to let roll around in your mind when you have a mental illness. Situations like the one described are triggers for us. Sometimes I handle problem solving like a pro but other times I’d be better off letting my cat solve any of my life dilemmas.

Let's go even smaller on the problem solving scale; what do you want to do? I despise this question particularly because I used to be so indecisive. My husband would always want to know exactly what I wanted. Even small decisions seem like big problems when your minds ajar. I know my brain is fizzled when I get panicked when I can't make a simple decision. Let your brain rest and let it go.

Know when you can and can't do things. If you absolutely cannot see the problem in a different light than it originally started then drop it. This doesn't mean you should avoid everything that stresses you out but really know your limits. Sometimes we just can't do it, but that's okay.

I wrote an article about letting go which explains the benefits and importance for us to let go of as many attachments as we can. The less we are attached to the less we take personal and the less triggers we have. If you cannot move your focus out of how awful you feel about the situation let it go and come back later. The same concept is used in writing when editing and revising, write as much as you can then walk away. Let the project sit for a little bit (time is up to your needs) then when you come back you read it through new eyes. Those new eyes can see a lot you didn't see the first time. Same goes with handling situations.

Have you ever had something on the tip of your tongue to an answer you or someone asked? Like who was that guy with blonde hair in Tremors that they made a game out of? It's right there, you can't remember it. The more you think about it the more it drives you crazy. Then you give up and remember it right when you lay down to go to bed and you blurt out, “Kevin Bacon! The six degrees of Kevin Bacon. Oh yeah.” You got it. (Off topic, the six degrees of Kevin Bacon game is based off of the six degrees of separation concept, check it out it's interesting!)

I have learned that living with a mental illness takes ingenuity and efficient use of energy to maintain well being. It takes every brain cell we have left just to get dressed in the morning sometimes. If we practice making decisions from a better state of mind and or letting it go when we can't the more we will be able to maintain mental well-being.