Letting Go for a New Year

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What does the New Year represent in the contemporary western world? Time to work on our New Years resolutions. Okay, so we lived another year and I am sure if you were participating in the year you probably picked up a lot of junk. We keep pushing through life, never resting, and always feel we need to do more the next year. Well, what if we have no room to allow anything new in?

I have been thinking since the winter Solstice has come to pass and the New Year is almost here what does this time of year signify? Winter is symbolized as death, as release, reflection. The nights get longer the days shorter. The world freezes over, life slows down, and there is stillness; it's the dead of winter. In other words winter is a time to reflect on our year and really see where we are in our lives. The New Year should be about letting go of things that no longer serve us. How can we add more to an already full cup?

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” 
― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

I challenge you to begin the New Year by giving up something, letting go of something that doesn't serve or benefit you. One of the greatest accomplishments I did last year was let go of toxic relationships. Abusive in-laws, friends, even neighbors; letting go of the relationships that didn't serve for my progression in myself and life. Relationships that triggered the crazy to come out; literally! My husband is now working on the same thing.

A lot of energy goes into maintaining relationships whether they are healthy or unhealthy. This goes for relationships with other people, ourselves, the physical world, spirituality, etc. A relationship is anything that there is an exchange going on. With our partners we exchange love, gratitude, acceptance. With work we exchange our time and services for money. We exchange money for items or services we want. Life is a never ending cycle of exchange. Unbalance comes from giving our energy with little to nothing in return.

This is a time to look at where we are putting our energy and if we are getting anything back. This is not a selfish outlook, which is a deeply rooted belief in our culture. We are taught to give and not expect back. Does it feel good to constantly put time, energy, and love into someone who gives no thanks, complains and puts you down? Unless your a masochist I am assuming the answer is no. Then what is the point of exchanging energy? If no good comes of it, why bother?

A very good friend of mine set this in motion in my own life through her example. She did something that still many people frown on which was ending her relationship with her mother. She tried to work things out, she desperately tried to cultivate a stable relationship with her but it never happened. She was left exhausted after each visit or talk on the phone. She became unsettled and angry for days after each interaction. The relationship drained her for so long she just couldn't do it anymore.

After letting go of the relationship she found she was able to let go of the resentment and hate she had for her abusive mother. She could finally breathe and move on with her life. She was then able to create new better relationships with others, she learned to set her boundaries with others and became more empowered in doing so. Her journey was an inspiration for me because all the years I had known her her greatest growth happened when she let go. I admired her for her strength.

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.” ― Ann Landers

You may not want to make a move like this just yet. Take this time to reflect about your relationships with others and the world around you. When you realize how you give your energy to people or things that deplete you your able to start reserving yourself. This means for example, that lets say your sister is negative and she calls you to complain about her endless list of woes, instead of feeding into her own drama half listen. Cut the call short if you feel yourself being pulled into her black hole. This is a mental health blog anyways, I am sure you have enough problems dealing with yourself! Giving yourself to others who may or may not intentionally drain you will not help bring about mental well being. I'm just saying.

In this New Year realize you do matter. You are important and deserve to live as you desire. It is your call your life to let go of the things and people that you don't find fruitful. Believe me it is well worth it, your mental well being depends on it!

I wish you all a Happy New Year!

Pardon My French

I accept myself the way I am. Do you think I believed that hokey line? Nope. I am too crazy, my mind is all messed up. I screw my life up every chance I get. If I don't control my mental illness it will control me. The more I fight the less I win.

All I wanted was to be normal. I want to be able to get through each day flawless with no issues. Maybe you do too. Maybe you want to get through the day keeping a stable mood, a smile on your face, and have happy warm thoughts walking slowly by.

I tried writing hundreds of affirmations a day, “I love myself, I accept myself just as I am.” It would make a small improvement but it didn't take root. It didn't take root because I cared. I cared about my image, I cared about how others saw me, I cared how others reacted towards me.

After years of struggling to 'fix' myself I had a realization, I was deeply attached to those thoughts. An analogy is thoughts are like seeds and our mind is a garden. Those affirmations meant nothing as long as I already had a full garden. Our mind is full of attachments and as long as you identify with them you will never truly see yourself for who YOU are and what YOU can become.

I listened to what society told me was right. Society told me it's not acceptable to show my emotions so I bottled them up. People told me I am more intelligent so I shouldn't be working in the service industry, so I felt shame working. The world told me it is not okay to slow down, to relax, to take it easy so I don't lose my mind. There is no pause button on life although I have imagined it many times. But the big turning point for me was (pardon my french) F*ck it!

F*ck it; the westerners path to enlightenment. I first heard of this from John C. Parkins, F**k it the ultimate spiritual way. It sure is the ultimate spiritual way, I will attest to that. It's the equivalent to the concept of letting go of all attachments.

Did your spouse upset you? F*ck it! Did your kids make a huge scene in Target acting like wild animals? F*ck it! Did you need to finish a project but couldn't because you weren't feeling well? F*ck it!

We are told that we should learn our triggers as I have learned from educating myself for my bipolar disorder. What I came to find out is I have a enormous amount of triggers! It seems wiser just to hide in a cave in the wilderness and eat berry's all day. Of course I am not discouraging this method but for some of us I think we can gain more progress letting things go.

When this concept takes root in your mind you will feel a sense of peace. The world that was on your shoulders dissipates. The thoughts keeping you up at night become few and far between, and ultimately you will feel more confident and empowered. Then when the thought comes up, “I accept myself for who I am,” you will believe it.