Living in The Moment For Mental Health

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." – Buddha

Living in the moment, being present, what does that mean? Like the above quote says it is not thinking of the past or the future it is thinking and living from this moment. I believe we have lost this concept. Living and growing up in the western world it seems very difficult for us to grasp what this means let alone feels like. However, it is a very pertinent part of a healthy mind and one of the greatest medicines for those of us with mental illness.

I wanted to share a story that touched me and inspired me to write about this concept. I am taking courses in Shamanism and I am learning about cleansing others with intention and sage. I had my husband stand with his eyes closed arms held apart and I knelt down before him and focused upon his health. I continued by wafting the sage smoke around him and continued focusing on his health. It was about a 5 minute process. After I was done I told him gently to open his eyes and when he opened them he had a grand smile on his face and his eyes were lit up. He looked like he was on the best drug in the world!

He told me how at first he was stuck with the thoughts in his head and I told him to focus on an Eagle (which he had been having dreams of) and so he fought for a minute before the intrusive thoughts stopped. When he focused on the Eagle and asked to let go of everything he was holding onto he felt the strangest thing; time stand still. He told me he had never really felt that, he felt excitement rise into his chest as he told me this. I kid you not, he looked around with his eyes wide and a smile on his face and said,”All the colors look luminescent, I have never seen colors in this way!” I told him this is what being present feels like. 

Living with Bipolar I have learned how to stay present, it is very rare now that I think about the future or past and believe me when I say it is the best way to keep the crazy away! My husband worries a lot and it has been getting to him recently and I have been telling him he really needs to stay present. If you can't do anything about the past or the future at this moment then let it go. I don't think people believe it when I or others say all the answers for your worries are right in the moment, if you would only let go the answers will come. Not many believe this, they think to solve a problem they must keep thinking about it, they keep doing this raising their stress level, deepening their depression, exacerbating the problem. It is much more efficient to let go.

"What a better way to create a clinically sick mind than to always be lost in your thoughts of the past and future." – Samantha Roby

I still get tripped up now and then but the more I practice the better I get and the less mental issues I have. If you have experienced this, if you understand how to live in the present use it the next time you fall into a depression. Our minds get very dark in depression but if you stay present, do not feed into the thoughts, focus your energy on positive things even as simple as watching a comedy and you continuously keep yourself present the depression will lose it's power over you. This is tricky though, this isn't an overnight cure. I am not saying you do this for one day and BAM your depression is gone. I have been practicing for years diligently. I use to only do these practices when I did fall into a mental break which helped lessen the hold it had over me and I came out of the mania or depression quicker. Now the negative consequences of mood swings rarely effect me.

When you focus on only what is happening now you are free. This also takes accepting what is going on. What if your stuck in a long line at the bank and have several other tasks to do. Most American's, and I have witnessed this countless times, start getting fidgety. They look at their watches or phones, they fidget more, then they turn to you and complain about how they don't have enough tellers open, or how stupid this wait is. Or some people feel they are entitled to not wait, their time is precious ( that would be another post) but what can you really do about it? If you accept it and just focus on the present and not about what you have to do afterward the stress is gone.

Our ancestors and those who still live close to nature know this. This is simple knowledge and I believe this epidemic of mental illness stems from a deep disconnection to reality, to the moment. That is what is truly going on when you live in your head thinking of past and future; disconnection and delusion.

How do you Become Present- Daily practices

• Meditation, specifically focusing on the breathe. This is done by getting into a comfortable position, closing your eyes and focusing on your breathe. This does not mean controlling your breathe, that is another type of meditation altogether, just focus your attention on your breathing and try not to control how you are breathing. Also, if thoughts pop up or if at one point you realize you have been thinking (it will happen a lot) just gently and non-judgmentally bring your focus back to your breathe. Five minutes a day of meditation is all it takes! It just needs to become a habit.

• Come up with awareness signals, for example, I used doors. Anytime I would walk through a door I would take a few moments and ask myself if I was being present. I reminded myself to be present and took the opportunity to either focus on my breathe as I walked or felt the ground beneath my feet as I walked.

• As I stated before when walking focus on how your feet feel hitting the ground. Many Buddhist monks would call this walking meditation.

• Either using pre-decided signals or anytime you feel overwhelmed or stuck in your mind focus on your bodily sensations. How does the chair feel that your sitting on? How does the cotton shirt feel that your wearing? What noises do you hear? What objects or people do you see? Again this is just observations so try to leave any judgments out like I see a nasty yellow house, that just puts you back in your head!

The key is making it a habit to be present. If you constantly reminded yourself for a period of time or use daily practices it will rewire your mind and it will become natural to be present. Like I said my husband struggles with this that's why it was just so wonderful to see the excitement in his eyes when he discovered what it felt like. Have you ever seen a child play? How happy and free they seem. It is our nature to live in the present moment, you just need to remember it. 

If you have any tips and tricks that have helped you learn how to stay present I would love to hear about them! You can email me at SamRoby84@gmail.com or message me on GooglePlus or find me on Facebook. 

Reality Check: We All Experience Hallucinations

In a normal persons mind the sub-conscience and conscience mind are separate, or at least appear to be. Our deepest parts of ourselves are hidden in the sub-conscious mind, just out of reach. These hidden aspects of the self can be reached either through dreams and or meditative states particularly that of shamanic journeying. Lets say we have a redundant dream about someone following us. Depending on the person and circumstances it could signify a hidden fear. Imagine your mind had no filter, no wall between the conscious and sub-conscience mind? I believe this to be schizophrenia. There is no difference between any sort of consciousness, their mind is open to all realms. Their hallucinations are no more false than a dream and we can find a lot of helpful information in dreams. This can be true of schizophrenia or any psychotic mental state.

Flickr by Lorrainemd

I do not believe for one second that mental problems like that of schizophrenia are illnesses that need to be medicated. The person experiencing the problem needs to learn how to navigate and function in these states. It is absolutely possible and successful. I have done it and many before me. Seth Farber talks about this in his book The Spiritual Gift of Madness: The Failure of Psychiatry and The Rise of The Mad Pride Movement. I listened to an interview through a pod cast at Why Shamanism Now (which by the way has great tools and resources through their pod casts) talking about the gift of madness and how and why psychiatry has gone the route it has. I am not an anti-psychiatrist but it has failed us. I will not focus why in this post but I believe that medication can be useful for acute crisis moments. For long term use it is disastrous and more damaging then the illness itself.

Why is looking at mental illness as a gift such an important statement? We are at a turning point in our history, I believe mental illness to be the next evolutionary step of humanity. Our minds are becoming more open to other realms, wider ranges of consciousness, places the normal everyday person could not reach unless in an altered state; we experience it without even trying. Imagine you wake up one day and every moment you flip flop between waking reality and dream reality, that would be horrifying! But that is what is happening. People who were called to shamanism most often than not always have a spiritual crisis like that of a psychotic episode or break from reality. The difference is that they see the psychotic break for what it is, the need to transform themselves mentally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. They interpret and find meaning in their waking reality and psychotic reality and learn through discipline how to walk between both worlds in a balanced way.

Transpersonal psychology is the closest arena in professional psychology that closely comes to the truth with mental illness. This aspect of psychology tries to explain human experience, understand the need for spirituality and human growth in a scientific way. They bring age old wisdom to our contemporary world. What comes out of this is the realization that there is a need for us to understand our true reality, our consciousness, and how to maneuver in it in a balanced way to create well being in our lives. This is done through guided meditation, music therapy, peak experience, spirituality, etc. It is still obviously very under practiced in our western world.

Understanding it as a whole

What is the difference between someone who hears voices and one who does not? How loud they are. We all hear voices. We all have voices in our head, our inner critic, our ego, our imagination, etc. Some people just have the volume control all the way up. Some voices are louder than others, for example we have all experienced an angry voice. One that gets so fed up with others and yells at them in our head. Your voices are no different than the person on the street that talks to themselves.

There is no difference between you and someone who sees things that others do not. Their filter is off, they are reaching states that you yourself can reach anytime you want either by dreaming or meditation or even taking hallucinogens. If you can learn how to induce those states, to reach higher states of consciousness than you can surely learn how to tone those states down so you can function day to day.

The first step I went through to learn to control these states is by accepting I had a problem. Then I began really thinking about what is the truth, what voices speak truth and what are lies. The voices that rung true, that spoke of beauty, love, goodness, things that nourished me I listened to and fed energy to. The ones who told me I was worthless and nothing I ignored them. Just as John Nash did in a Beautiful Mind, he figured out what was a lie or hallucination and what wasn't. He started to ignore the bothersome hallucinations and focused on the brilliance of his ability to get inspiration for his mathematics. He was able to function, he still saw his hallucinations, but they didn't trip him up anymore.

There is an epidemic on our hands in our modern world. The more advanced technologically and “civilized” (whatever that is) the more our society devalues spirit and the more we become unwell and unbalanced. Being spiritual does not mean religion, dogma, or a belief system, but wisdom. Truth. The essence of our true nature. Awareness of our self and how we fit into the world. It isn't even about sitting around philosophizing about reality, it is wisdom gained from direct experience.

This is why I share this with you, because I have been there, I have gone through madness and back and have lived to tell about it. Walking away from traditional therapy and really taking it upon myself to master my mind was the best thing I could have ever done. I hope my articles have been helpful and I encourage any feedback good or bad. Thank you everyone for reading!

Resources:

Why Shamanism Now: http://whyshamanismnow.com/ 

Interview with Seth Farber: http://whyshamanismnow.com/2012/06/the-spiritual-gift-of-madness-with-seth-farber/ 

Self-Mastery: The Key To Functioning With Mental Illness

Self-mastery in regards to mental illness or disorders means that we no longer suffer from our 'disorders' and our able to live and function with our ability to experience life in a wide range of experiences. There is no cure for our illnesses and according to The Washington Post: Psychiatry's Failed Paradigm- there has not been empirical evidence in our genes that pinpoint likelihood of psychiatric illnesses. Perhaps they may one day find those genes but as of right now there is no agreed upon genetic evidence that our genes are involved. Whether or not we find it in our genes the point is the current psychiatric paradigm of treatment is not working. There is something missing.

I recently came upon some videos from Bipolar Advantage that explain we can live with a mental disorder, function, and as shocking and presumptuous as this sounds enjoy our "illness" and use it to our advantage. Many of you I know will have resistance to this idea, perhaps it brings anger to you, but I ask you to listen for just a moment. Let me start by using their diagram so you can get a visual of what I am proposing. 

The crisis area on the left shows spikes. These spikes from a bipolar perspective (can be interpreted to any illness but for the sake of a point I will refer to bipolar for now) show the highest highs and the lowest lows. They represent the flow of information and experience and the red area means we are uncomfortable and in a crisis mode, "I am freaking Out!" 

The current psychiatric paradigm's treatment goal is to get you and keep you in the recovery and managed zones. In the recovery zone you see that the spikes are level and stable within the blue zone. If we travel outside this blue comfort zone to the managed zone it's time to re-adjust our medications and use tools to get us back to the recovery zone. However, as the presenter Tom Wooten explained in the managed and recovery zones we are ,"One bad nights sleep away from an episode." I have been here in this reality most of my life! Elaborating on this, when we live in the recovery zone we are living life very carefully. We are not permitting ourselves to experiencing life fully. Life is dull and boring.

On the right side of the diagram we have a person with bipolar who has started expanding their comfort zone. Through trial and error and with resources and tools they move one step into the yellow zone and step back. The idea is the more you consciously and mindfully challenge your comfort zones you will soon realize you grow comfortable functioning in that level of experience and the flow of information. So a bipolar person can grow comfortable to be in a full blown mania or a deep depression. That is why they labeled it the freedom, stability, self-mastery zones. 

“Beyond Recovery, we enter the Freedom Stage where we begin to break free of the cycle of Crisis and Recovery. From there we graduate to Stability Stage and eventually achieve Self-Mastery. It will take slow and careful work with some set backs, but we will find ourselves comfortable and in control while experiencing increased flow of energy and information. States that previously created great disturbance and needed some form of intervention in the Managed Stage are now within our comfort zone.

Real Stability means to maintain control in an ever wider range of experience. Some of us can even achieve stability across the entire range of the bipolar condition and live an extraordinary life.

Self-Mastery is when we choose how to react to every stimulus. The stimulus can be internal or external, real or not, but the important thing is that we can make a conscious choice about how to act.” -Tom Wooten Bipolar Advantage

I am not promoting their system or selling anything. I haven't been through their program. However, I have achieved exactly what they teach others, self-mastery. I have hallucinations, obsessive thinking, depression, mania, psychosis, anxiety, and I am still functioning, I laugh every single day and enjoy the range of energy and experience my illnesses have to offer. I still don't enjoy the anxiety though, but I am working on that! However, our current system of treating illness, the stigma, our perceptions, need to be challenged. It needs to change. If we start with ourselves, if we adapt to our minds way of dealing with stimuli then the future for mental health and well-being looks very promising! 

You must perceive your “disorder” as an advantage and an assets rather than a limitation like I previously talked about which you can find here in part 1 and part 2. Perhaps this is contradictory. However, like my previous post I state that yes, having a mental illness can have limitations but you can learn to accommodate them. When you begin accommodating your limitations you start to expand your comfort zone. You train your mind to see the positive in a once negative experience.

Think of this, your being treated by a psychiatrist and the goal is to reduce or eliminate your symptoms. No matter what medication you take (at least in most cases I have seen or in my experience) there is always going to be a relapse of symptoms, some unresolved symptoms in which the current action is to adjust medication. What happens when you are trying to eliminate symptoms and you start having a symptom? Say you start feeling depressed, you become uncomfortable, you want that feeling to Go AWAY! That just makes it that much more uncomfortable and debilitating.

What if say your schizophrenic you have learned the difference between hallucinations and reality. You see a person sitting at the dinner table with you and you ask your spouse,”Hey, do you see someone sitting there?” The spouse responds, “No.” You know then that is a hallucination, you can shrug your shoulders and ignore it or you can actually interact with it knowing it is just your mind. You are comfortable with it. It doesn't bother you. How absolutely free that must feel!

In an interview with Lloyd Ross, PhD, he explained that recovery from schizophrenia is possible without medication. Mr. Ross gives an example of a case where his patients main complaint was of hearing voices. He did not anticipate what would happen next. His patient heard over and over again,"Kill, kill, kill," and explained she lived with her mother. He was curious to have a session with the mother alone and then bring the daughter in afterwards. Mr. Ross upon meeting his patients mother was immediately put off. She was difficult and nasty. Mr. Ross brought the daughter back and and made the comment,"I am sorry but I must be honest, I do not like her and I kept picturing strangling the women!" The patient looked at him a bit shocked and a realization came to her, "I get why I hear kill, kill, kill, I realize it's my mother I want to kill!" Mr. Ross was surprised and they focused the proceeding sessions on understanding the patients difficulties with the mother. The voices went away. Mr. Ross was very surprised at the unexpected outcome. 

Let's say you have horrid social anxiety, how would you accommodate going grocery shopping? Avoid it would be the first instinct but that is not feasible for most of us. My accommodation for bad days is I make a list and me and the list are all that exist in the store, weird I know. I feel comfort with the piece of paper, it's like a map in my hand! Another accommodation would be to go with a friend on small social ventures and focus only on keeping up a good conversation, something that draws your attention away from your fear of social situations. Or music. Put headphones on and blast music and keep to the beat.

Taking small steps and trying to do things differently actually broadens your comfort zone. If you found a method or accommodation that works to ease your discomfort or stress the more you utilize it and manage it to still accomplish your tasks the more it will not bother you. Again, social anxiety for me and shopping I will be honest, I talk to myself. Not loud but I mumble to myself. I don't care! I do it to keep myself focused and I actually say really funny things that lighten my mood. The task is to shop. I am not there to impress others or make friends so I really don't care what others think of me.

From Flickr by Heathre

Finding Value In Your Experiences

Those of us with mental illness interpret the flow of life's experiences differently than others. It doesn't need to be a bad thing. It takes a lot of self awareness and honesty to understand how our minds work and interpret our environment in a manageable and meaningful way. It is possible. One way is to find value in our experiences. Like the women who heard angry voices telling her to 'kill' she found value when she understood why. She needed to realize her mother was driving her nuts! Her solutions could have been to express her distress to her mother, talk to someone else and learn new ways of coping with her mothers nasty behavior, or like I have done with quiet a few people in my life get away from them! 

We all wish we could handle life like everyone else. The truth is we can't. Our brains are not hardwired that way. Society doesn't make it alright either. Medication can help but therapy and self-awareness are the only ways to bring lasting changes. Imagine a world where hallucinations were appropriate and valuable ways of interpreting the environment. Like Tom Wooten explained in his video he loves his hallucinations because they are valuable. He explained that his mother went through a major health crisis and he had a hallucination of himself jumping in front of a bus, dying and transporting into his wife who was beside him. While inside her he had a realization of an important emotional aspect of his mothers health crisis and close death that he hadn't realized. Since he found value in his experience he found he was better able to cope with his mothers health. 

The key to be able to find meaning from our experiences is to become comfortable with them in the first place. If Tom Wooten was not comfortable with having a hallucination he would of panicked and found the experience as scary, bad, and overwhelming. Just like many people find meaningful information in their dreams, our experiences can also bring us value. 

I don't want to be ashamed of having a 'bipolar' or 'schizophrenic' label. I don't want to be embarrassed or less of a valuable honorable human being. I don't want my interpretation of the world around me to be invalid and insane. I want to enjoy the spectrum of experiences I can have having these illnesses. I have. I also haven't. However, the more I master myself and my mind and accept that which I cannot change the happier I am. The more freedom I feel and experience. The more I contribute and give to the world.

Resources: 

• Washington Post: Psychiatry's failed Paradigm  http://voices.washingtonpost.com/shortstack/2010/01/rcent_decades_have_seen_dramat.html
• Bipolar Advantage: The Shocking Truth About Recovery From Bipolar Disorder  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qe1SFteLGDI (note: there are several videos that cover the entire concept; search under Bipolar Advantage)
• Bipolar Advantage main website http://www.bipolaradvantage.com/index.php
• Daniel Mackler's interview with Lloyd Ross, PhD Recovery from Schizophrenia Without Medication http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyL0jjI93OI 

What's Going On: An Inside Look At Mental & Physical Disability

Thus far in my mental health blog I have written about what I have experienced, what I have learned. I took a leave of absence from last week because of not only battling mental demons but physical as well. I have been through a lot in my life, obviously dealing with mental illness, and if that wasn't enough now I have another battle to fight; physical disability.

From Flikr By WELS.net

I have had physical issues for awhile, a lot of pain and an increasing difficulty walking and working my day job. I have found out that I have Ehler-Danlos Syndrome which is a connective tissue disorder which effects the collagen in my body. The main characteristics are loose unstable joints, easy bruising, elastic skin, full and partial dislocations and of course lots of pain. I am not going to go into great depth about my struggles physically but you can read more about it here at Zebra Living. I am however going to go into the emotional and mental aspects of dealing with a physical/mental disability.

Disability: A physical or mental condition that limits a person's movements, senses, or activities.

It is clear that mental disability can be just as debilitating as a physical disability and people need to recognize it as such. I had been guilty of considering myself weak for my inability to accomplish certain tasks or handle situations mentally. Our society teaches us that mental illness can be easily overcome more so than a physical condition but that is not the case. Both can be just as debilitating as the other. Both put limits on your ability to function. So it can be true both can be managed and dealt with. It is still possible to live life fully and achieve our highest potential. We need to look at what happens to our 'self' when we become disabled.

Loss Of Identity

It comes on gradually but you suddenly realize something is missing. I sat thinking for awhile and I figured out that this lonely empty feeling I had that tugged at my insides was that I had lost my identity. I can't do what I once did, I can't be the active outgoing social person I use to be, I had lost a part of myself that kept me going. That kept me on my toes and involved in life.

Physical and mental disability does that, it robs you of aspects of yourself slowly and over time you don't even know who you are anymore. You feel like an empty shell. Your unsure of how to participate in life both socially and personally.

Physical and mental disability changes who you are. Many mental health bloggers have said you are not your illness and while that is true it is still apart of you, it colors much of your life whether you want it to or not. You can't deny it or ignore it. If you suffer from a mental/physical disability you have to take into account every daily activity you are apart of.

For me right now I have to think for example how I will go grocery shopping. I have to wear braces from head to toe to be able to walk, sometimes I need to think about possibly using a wheel chair. If I do how will I manage my 3 kids? Will I be in more pain if I go grocery shopping? Will I be able to do my other chores later if I go grocery shopping?

Even though I am not my illness it reminds me every second of the day it's there. The same can be said about mental illness. Mentally I have to asses the same limits. Whether I can handle a social situation and what actions will I take if this or that happens. Both illnesses take a huge part in how I live and manage my life.

Respect

Respect your illness, respect your disabilities. Yes, you can overcome them but you can't force them to go away. You can't force them to leave you alone when you got a million things to do. They are with you and you must always take them into account if you want to successfully manage them.

We learn to respect our elders for they hold more wisdom. We learn to respect nature for it has a force that could obliterate us. The same goes for illness. Respect it for sometimes it has more power than we are consciously aware of. I know from experience by denying the existence of my limits and my illness it has under my conscious awareness destroyed my life. I respect it now, I give it a voice and I give it what it needs.

Your disability and illness is a part of your identity now. It shapes you. However, it's not all you are. Sometimes when illnesses rob us of what made us who we are we need to start over. We have to shape a new 'us' that includes our illness.

Learning to Live Again

Both mental and physical disability robs us of self, of our identity, of who we thought or think we are. That has to change now. To learn to live again you have to accept for one that you have limits. You can't do everything you use to or what others can do. Sometimes that means giving up jobs or careers we have grown an identity with, lifestyles, daily activities, we have to take in account of what we can do, how we can do it, accommodations we need to do tasks, and really how much energy we have to do it. I think any illness can be exhausting.

I've known I had become a different person after I destroyed a vast majority of my social and personal life and started to recognize I really had a mental issue but it didn't set in that I was considered disabled until I became physically ill. Why is that? I believe it comes down to physical disability is more acceptable than mental disability. I didn't think I associated with this concept until the physical disability set in.

I have a serious physical disability that limits my mobility and causes a lot of pain. In my minds eye I see a crippled old women who is frail and weak. But I have needed the same support, the same medical help, the same “learning to live again” thinking I did when I accepted the fact I had a mental disability.

Next week we will be talking more about learning to live again with a disability and tips and tricks to get us back to living. This is so important as everyone can relate to the loss of identity that happens when faced with health crises. However, there is life after this downfall. Life always manages to go on and we need to brush off our butts and get back to living life in the drivers seat.

                                                                                      Attention Readers

Contact me and let me know what you have gone through with a mental/physical disability and how you felt when you realized you were limited. Did you feel lost? Confused? How did you manage to get through it and have you succeeded? What did you do?

Contact me through email or through Google+ and tell me your story. I'd love to include some passages from your stories with your permission or give me ideas to share with others on what helped you. Thank you and see you soon!

Email: SamRoby84@gmail.com 

Talking About Mental Illness

From Flickr by Dennoir

How do you cope with traumatic events? How would you cope with a death of a parent or a failure of a relationship? You talk about it. Your friends and family will want to talk about it. Maybe you would talk about it with co-workers that are close to you or even a therapist. The same can be said about mental illness. How do you ever gain acceptance and move through the natural grieving process that occurs when your newly diagnosed or are recovering from a recent break from reality? Talking.

Even though we are in a new era of the growth of our race as humans and things like gay rights and pro-life/choice are at the top of the controversial topic list what about mental illness? It's something I think every human being can relate to. Look at these facts taken from ADAA:

• Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting 40 million adults in the United States age 18 and older (18% of U.S. Population).


• Major Depressive Disorder Affects approximately 14.8 million American adults, or about 6.7 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year.


• Many people with an anxiety disorder also have a co-occurring disorder or physical illness, which can make their symptoms worse and recovery more difficult. It’s essential to be treated for both disorders.

Talking about mental illness is what is going to erase stigma. I am not embarrassed to have a mental illness. I know it doesn't make me less or more than another human being, I view myself as equal to the homeless man on the corner and the president of our country. Everyone has their secrets their wrongs their failures. Every person on this earth is messed up in some way shape or form. The point is we try to do better. We strive to adapt and change and make our actions a little better today. When you have a mental illness and talk about it you try to find solutions, your trying to work through it. That's all that matters. Having an illness doesn't make you a bad person. Failing to gain control of your emotions and your struggle with reality doesn't make you wrong, bad, weak, stupid. It makes you strong everyday you wake up and try again.

Another part of a wellness kit that is to me top priority is to have a trusted person you can talk to. Whether it be a spouse, parent, friend, or even older children, someone that you can spill your guts to. Maybe you don't have a person that is supportive and understanding. Another option is to find a support group online, a forum for mental illness, posting in group forums or asking a member to be your support buddy. NAMI (National Alliance of Mental Illness) has a list for many programs such as peer-to-peer groups, family groups, and discussion forums.

I have not used forums for a long time because my husband is really good at listening (I taught him) and he is always ready for me to spill my crazy brain guts at him. I talk to him about catastrophic thoughts I am having, paranoia, topics that are causing anxiety, I even talk to him about suicidal ideations and imagery. I use to hide the fact that I had suicidal thoughts because I was afraid he would get mad or take me to the hospital. I am so grateful that I am able to talk about these things because I found that the more I voice my emotions the less emotionally overwhelming they become and the less I believe I will act on them.

If you have had thoughts of suicide or ideations of death or catastrophe you know how emotionally overwhelming they are. They are real and you just want it to stop. I can tell you from experience if you talk about it whether your calm or speaking through loud sobs get it out of your head! The imagery will lose their power.

When you have a mental illness it is normal to become anxious and angry about some small issues. Issues that after it's said and over with you realize are dumb. I've been there. It's normal. Still talk about it.

But then...

Then there are times when you don't know what to talk about. Depression and anxiety can come on without a reason why. It's just there. My husband would ask me,”What's wrong?” I would answer,”I don't know I’m just depressed.” Then he would ask,”What are you depressed about?”

There is no reason, it's depression, it's an unnameable thing. It's like a creature that lives inside of you and takes over your body. That's where they came up with that old school movie the The Body Snatchers (maybe, you never know). Depression is like a body snatcher.

Same thing goes with anxiety, mania, psychosis, sometimes a switch get's flipped and you find yourself in a different world. Talk about your world. What does your world look like, how does it feel?  

Most of the time I am good about talking but sometimes it takes a lot of prying and persistence from my husband to get me talking. I feel I don't want to talk about it because I am upset I am having these issues again for the millionth time and I feel embarrassed and mad at myself. I just want to get on with my life already. I'm tired of tripping over the same stones. 

Friends and Loved Ones

It's hard to hear someone you care about struggling with their mind, but the best thing you can do for them is listen. Let them spill their guts to you no matter what subject it is and allow them to feel that way. This means if they are having issues don't argue with them about the reasoning for their feelings. Arguing and devaluing their thoughts and feelings makes it worse. Like I said above, sometimes the reasons we are upset obviously are insignificant and I am sure we will realize it when we are stable minded, but at the moment it is consuming us. 

Realize that if you are involved with someone with a mental illness you are probably their only tie to reality. If they are losing their grip you have to pull them back. Both individuals must be on the same page with how to stay well. My husband knows what to do when he sees I am troubled. Sometimes I approach him and tell him my issues and sometimes he approaches me. He has told me that he can't help me if I don't talk. 

I am sure some spouses may feel embarrassed about talking about this topic (both parties) but if you want to stay healthy and happy it is an absolute necessity to talk about it. There are hundreds of ways to make a difference and help your spouse/family/friend stay healthy. The foundation of well-being starts with talking about it.

Thoughts Are Things: Environment Vs. Biochemical and Mental Illness

"Thoughts are things; they have tremendous power. Thoughts of doubt and fear are pathways to failure. When you conquer negative attitudes of doubt and fear you conquer failure. Thoughts crystallize into habit and habit solidifies into circumstances.” Adams, Bryan

If you want to move past mental illness to mental health the best way is through education and awareness of what is actually going on in your brain. Mental illness is a biochemical reaction in your head, your chemicals and neurons are misfiring and creating feelings of anxiety the fight or flight reaction, depression, mania, paranoia etc. But what initially creates those reactions? What triggers those chemicals to go all wacky? Some say the environment others say its just a chemical in-balance, some say both.

In Purpose and Perspective an article in Psychology Today asks "Is your depression due to the environment or biochemical?" Julie K. Hersh explains, “well of course it is biochemical but what causes a clinically depressed brain?” Dr. Daniel Amen says, “that every thought we have causes a chemical and electrical reaction in our brains.” So with that being said wouldn't it be correct to assume that if we change our thoughts we could change the chemical reactions in our minds?

I have been on both sides, one being I can't control how I view life and react to it, whether I get depressed, anxiety, mania, it's just there. The other side of me says yes, I can control it, I have before. Both are true. I have accepted I have an illness something is chemically wrong with my brain but at the same time I can control how it effects me and how I react to the environment. With work and perseverance I can create a better environment in my brain, like the last article I wrote about laughter, laughter and anger cannot exist at the same time. I want to create a brain that accepts more laughter than anger or other negative emotions.

The environment around us consists of so many things, other people and their beliefs, society, politics, nature,how our parents raised us, siblings, etc. Basically everything outside of us. There is a lot that can potentially trigger our mental problems. But what if you changed the way you react to those things through discipline, awareness, and mindfulness. Which simply means that there are multiple perspectives you can view life from. Have you heard the saying there’s two sides to every story? Well it's absolutely true, there are hundreds of sides to every situation and if you can open your mind and your vision you can see life in negative or positive ways, it really is your choice. The more you see life through goodness, beauty, kindness, the healthier your mind will become.

Thoughts are Things

Thoughts are things, I love that saying because it reminds me of that fact, thoughts actually are things. They send electrical stimuli to different parts of our brain which triggers chemical reactions. So if I change my thought pattern I can change the chemical reaction in my brain. It sounds simple right? Well it's not. I have been working on it most of my life over 15 years now and I am no where near a master. But I can say with conviction that if you react differently to your environment then the mental issues you have can be handled so much more easier, it doesn't impact your life as drastically.

Medications do help, but it doesn't solve the problem. What is the problem? The problem is your brain, the way you react to your environment creates the perfect breeding ground for illness, you have to create an environment for health and well being.

From Flickr by Ganga Sunshine

Your Universe: How To Cope

“My internal biochemistry is different than most. I've learned that my unique universe isn't a bad thing, just different. No one looks at a cactus and an orchid and expects them to react in the same way to a similar environment. Why is this concept so difficult for some to accept when they view human beings? Our challenge as humans is we don't get to stick in one spot once we find the right blend of sunlight, water and soil. We move around. Life bangs us from angles we never expected.” -Julie K. Hersh

Every person is different, we all thrive in different environments. Like the above statement we don't get to stick like a cactus in one spot we thrive in, we have to move around. How do we cope then? How do we deal with different environments and thrive? We have to create the environment within ourselves. Where we thrive is inside! We cannot look for outside sources of health, happiness, well being, it all comes from inside.

You are your environment and your environment is you. Your world is different from mine, things that help me cope and thrive may be different than yours. A true teacher would not tell you how to do things. In an article Buddhist Approach to Mental Illness will summarize perfectly my point exactly. In this article Dr. Stan Gold asks Lama Yeshe a Buddhist monk questions about how to treat mental illness. 

Q: Lama Yeshe, how do you go about treating mental illness? How do you help people with mental illness?

"I try to show him the true nature of his mind so that with his own mind he can understand his own problems. If he can do that, he can solve his own problems himself. I don’t believe that I can solve his problems by simply talking to him a little. That might make him feel a bit better, but it’s very transient relief. The root of his problems reaches deep into his mind; as long as it’s there, changing circumstances will cause more problems to emerge."

I made the mistake of looking for outside resources to cope with my mental illness and issues. I looked to therapists to fix me, medications, diet, classes, money, school, friends/family, on and on it went. Nothing and no one could fix me. This article your reading can't fix you, I can't. You can however, you can help yourself. No matter how sick you are you can help yourself. Your environment can guide you, your family and therapists can guide you and support you but you have to do the work. It is a lifelong commitment to stay healthy. Your worth it though.

References:
Julie K. Hersh http://www.psychologytoday.com/experts/julie-k-hersh
Buddhist Approach to Mental Illness http://mandala.fpmt.org/archives/older/mandala-issues-for-1999/may/a-buddhist-approach-to-mental-illness/

Mental Illness and Laughter

                                          From Flickr by Embellishedminds

So this weeks lesson (for myself, now I will share it with you) is realizing how important it is to laugh, especially when you have a mental illness. Last weeks post I realized how important it was to have a wellness kit created in case of a mental meltdown (because of course I was having one) writing and meditation helped ease the hold depression took on me but now I realized I left out one key ingredient; laughter. Now again for the second week depression and anxiety are dancing merrily inside my head. So I asked myself, whats missing? Laughter. 

I wrote all my angry morbid thoughts, I meditate twice a day yet my brain still seems so vulnerable to snap at any moment (at least that's what the anxiety keeps telling me). I've kind of hid from the world for the last week because I don't want anyone to see me like this, I’m a hobble of a women slopped into some clothes with eyeballs on top, at least that's how I feel. Every time I get depressed I don't want to be around other people mainly because I hate to think I’m spreading my icky negative germs around everywhere.

So I think about laughter and decided I need to watch something funny. I watched a stand-up comedian and started laughing and felt much better after wards. Actually the whole day turned out better and my dark morbid thoughts and fearful anxiety has lifted. It is so important for us to laugh, to laugh at the world and laugh at ourselves!

When was the last time....

When was the last time you laughed at yourself? Searching for this link between laughter and mental illness was not very fruitful, there wasn't a lot out there on the internet that has to do with mental illness and laughing. I did find a study on Time Health and Family talking about the ability to laugh at yourself which studies ones ability to 'say' they laugh at themselves and ones who genuinely laugh at themselves.

Many of us take things too seriously. When you take life seriously, when failures arise or issues trip you up it is more likely you will feel pain. We don't want to feel pain right? Naturally we tend to avoid it, so a great trait is to be able to laugh at yourself and your shortcomings.

I bounce back and forth only because my sense of reality is messed up sometimes, but my overall personality characteristic has been very humorous. I make fun of myself at least everyday if not all day. When depression hits, my humorous nature turns into morbid humor. I make exaggerated claims of something absolutely awful happening, something so ridiculous that it's a worse case scenario that can't possibly happen so it makes me and others laugh because of how utterly ridiculous it sounds.

When was the last time you laughed at yourself? Really genuinely laughed at yourself, when your depressed do you ever stop and listen to your thoughts and say,”that's absurd! I'm nuts for thinking that way.” One week I had this happen, I went from thinking about suicide (should I just do it? Could I? I just can't take this pain anymore) then I looked at the clouds in the sky and wondered what would happen if we didn't have an atmosphere, would we all get sucked into space? I said (out loud of course because I tend to talk to myself), “I'm so glad we have an atmosphere.” I stopped for a moment, realized my thought pattern and started laughing my butt off. How do you go from pondering over suicide to thinking about the atmosphere and saying how grateful I was for having one? I can say I’m ridiculous, all humans are ridiculous and we should all laugh at the many ways we are.

"It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time. Anger and 

laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either."

Wayne Dyer

Take The Time

I am sure we all have heard that laughter is good medicine. It can lower blood pressure, boosts the immune system, and decreases pain. How come we don't use this alongside therapy, medications, and everything else? I don't remember my therapist or psychologist asking when the last time I laughed was. 

If your feeling stressed, depressed, manic, OCD, anxious, confused, whatever your issue, take time to laugh. Sometimes I am stubborn, I am so miserable I feel injustice when others try to make me laugh or suggest I do something to pep me up. My first thought is “they don't care about me and my issues.” It's not injustice though, it a remedy because you can't feel angry and laugh at the same time, or depressed and laugh about something. It's just not possible.

It is okay to feel these feelings, it's allowed to feel miserable, but there comes a time when you need to just move on because those feelings aren't serving you. They have no purpose but to make you feel lousy. Take time out to laugh, I know your upset, maybe even stubborn like me, and it doesn't mean you don't care about your feelings or that others don't find your problems/feelings important but you have to let go sometime and move on, even for a moment. It's good for your health, it's good for your life.

Be Silly by Andre' T.

What makes you laugh?

• Funny movies
• Stand-up comedians
• reading/telling jokes
• funny books

Tell us what makes you laugh. Here's one for the book; one time I was feeling awful. I got a fire under my butt and decided to do something ridiculous. My husband and I had to run an errand after work and I thought it would be hilarious to dress up funny. So I back brushed (ratted) my hair, put a floppy sun hat on, over-sized sun glasses, and rep lipstick which I put on and around my lips, plus I had a bunch of scarves around my neck. So we went driving around (my husband can't stop laughing) and I look at people who we stopped next to at stoplights. They look over, their eyes get big, then they slowly turn to look forward again pretending I am not there. Some people just stare, unsure of what they were looking at. After the whole trip was through my husband and I laughed all night, not only at the stunt I did, but about life in general. Take time to laugh!

Resources:

http://www.helpguide.org/life/humor_laughter_health.htm Benefits of laughter

http://healthland.time.com/2011/08/09/why-laughing-at-yourself-may-be-good-for-you-first-ever-study/ Study of ability to laugh at yourself

Journal Writing for Mental Illness

Photo by Matt Beckwith

Last week we talked about mindfulness and different tools that can help create balance and well-being in mental illness. I focused in on meditation particularly a type that further creates distance from your emotions and thoughts making them less likely to impact your mood (click here to read). This week I will discuss my favorite and most successful tool for my mental well-being; writing.

There is no way I can express how liberating and healing writing can be except the obvious, explain it to you. I have written in a journal since I was 10 or 11. I would write off and on for the remainder of my life and it helped to get my feelings out and work through issues. However, for the last two years I have written every morning consistently, never missing a beat. Now, I could never possibly see myself ever giving up that time. My morning writing time goes from 10 minutes to an hour depending on each day. I also put in extra time if I am having a bad day. If I have anxiety I write. If I am depressed I write. If my mind is racing by like a freight train I write.

When searching about writing and mental illness I found a lot of information on journaling and trauma. I did not find anything specifically pertaining to mental illness and writing so I am glad to share this information with you. It is of course beneficial to write about traumatic events as it helps to cope with the situation and come to the deepest parts of the hurt we have endured from the situation but what about the rest of us who feel agonizing mental and emotional pain from our own mind without a reason why? Not including the devastation our behaviors and mind do on our daily lives. That can be traumatic in itself.

Journaling can keep us in balance especially if used on a daily basis. It is like having a therapist right in our home everyday. I believe that others including friends, family, and trained professionals can give us much needed guidance but only we know what is the best for us. I would not have believed that two years ago. I believed I did not know what was best, my mind was sick, how could I be of any help to myself? I never trusted my mind as it tricked me and I looked back at a ruined life that I created. Only in consistently working with myself and writing did I gain back trust in myself and took more control of my mind.

Tips on Journaling For Mental Illness

There are no set rules on journaling. Nothing is set in stone, however, I want to share some tips so that you can get the most out of it. Take what works with you and leave the rest.

Time- Put aside time in your day preferably the same time everyday to write for at least 5 to 10 min. One tip you may have heard before especially for those of you who have Bipolar Disorder is routine. Routine keeps your moods in balance and it helps when your moods are off. With routine you know what to expect so you don't get thrown of the bus so to speak (that's what it feels like anyways).

For those of you that are on a tight schedule get a timer. You can get lost in writing especially when your in the moment, I don't want you to discourage yourself from writing because you had to skip breakfast and get to work.

Equipment- Sounds important doesn't it? Get paper, notebook, pens, pencils, computer whatever you feel comfortable with. There are even cool apps you can download for your phone that may encourage you. If you really want to get fancy go to Barnes & Noble and get a leather bound notebook or one with Mickey Mouse whatever get's you excited to write!

The Writer- I will say it here, if you think you are not a good writer or a bad speller you can still write! If it matters to you practice makes you better anyways but in journaling it really doesn't matter. Plus we have spell check, thank goodness for spell check!

Rules for Writing

There is no rule for what you should write. However, for therapeutic reasons there is a rule for what you shouldn't write. That's right, you heard it. You shouldn't censor anything. You should write about whatever is on your mind. Never think to yourself you shouldn't write about something. If your writing about your grandma Betty and you imagine yourself wanting to strangle her with her panty hose then write it! Obviously your angry and why not 'pretend' to hurt her then hurt her in real life. No one has to read it. I won't tell anyone, I promise.

Free-writing and Therapy

Free-writing is what I do now for the majority of the time unless a specific problem pops up in my life. Free-writing is where you turn off your conscious mind and let your inner world take over. The rule for this one is write and keep writing without stopping or thinking about what you are writing. Sometimes your mind will get stuck on a specific topic, meaning it is something you care about and are passionate of. By reading a series of free-written material you can tell what your sub-conscious mind is per-occupied with. For example if your writing is stuck on how you can't do this or do that, the statement, “I just don't know,” pops up a lot that could be a problem of self-doubt buried deep in your psyche. I should know this, that was my ultimate problem.

If you want to use journaling as a tool specifically for working through issues write a list of problems you want to work on. If your not sure try free writing to get any ideas out. Then take one of your problems you wrote down and free write but keep focused on that issue. After you are done read what you wrote. Yes you have to read it, I know I didn't want to either. What do you think about what you've written? Have you come across any insights or other issues you were unaware of? Sometimes you will have an a-ha moment, maybe your going to need to write more, you will know when you have gotten to the bottom of a problem. I guarantee you will have a sense of relief.

Has anyone ever used writing as a therapeutic tool? Do you have any tips to share with others? Leave any comments below. Thank you and happy writing!

Mindfulness and Meditation

Mindfulness means to be mindful or aware of our thoughts, feelings, and environmental surroundings. Most of us our lost in our heads, our thoughts run our life, we see through veils of our own beliefs, feelings, and thoughts. Our brain seems to be set up for disaster especially in the case of mental illness. If we let our brains go wild we can become easily disconnected from reality. So the practice of mindfulness and awareness is imperative to our sanity.

The western world

I have often dreamed of living in the wilderness or on my own land far away from society living amongst nature and surviving off the land. I daydream that maybe in that type of environment I would feel at ease and at peace.

I know though that it is not necessarily my environment that causes my discord it is my mind. No matter where I have gone (and I've moved a lot) my mind follows and the same issues eventually arise.

Maybe it is just me, maybe you have felt this way too but I just can't get in the groove of this type of civilization. I see a world run by money, advertising, commerce. Working 9 to 5 jobs, having to be on top of to the do lists. If you slip up it is likely that your safe secure world will crumble or at least be difficult to get back on track.

If you live with a mental illness this reality may have become apparent to you. It is increasingly hard to maintain a functioning life in this society with the ever increasing demands and hoops we must all jump through. Factor in absolutely no down time or down time watching cable TV our minds constantly being hit with more useless information we have no awareness of, well, awareness.

To keep my sanity I do not watch the news, I don't watch horror movies, I do not listen to negative music, I will not keep bad company. Again this is me, these things bother me. To keep my sanity I do not expose myself to any negative situations or environments.

It has taken me years of writing, meditating, and observing myself and my environment to realize these things really do bother me and why. Now I can choose things that will better my moods or keep them stable and my mind clear, well somewhat clear, hey I’m not perfect. Far from it my friend. But I am surely better than I was, so we are off to a good start.

                                                                                  Meditation as a Tool

I recently read an article on the NAMI website talking about tools to create mindfulness and to practice it. It discusses meditation, deep breathing, yoga, and art like writing, painting, sculpting, decorating. You can read the article here as it also has a personal story of someone who has used different techniques to regain his sanity which I found inspiring.

I want to focus on one tool for now; meditation. Meditation is the practice of becoming still. Most people would say it is the practice of clearing your thoughts but the moment you sit down, relax, and become comfortable the first thing that happens is your mind wanders and thoughts race in. Our mind does this. Mental ill or not it is normal. A practice I have found very profound for my well-being is watching my thoughts and letting them be there. Not judging, not following them, just sitting back and watching them breeze by. Just let the thoughts roll by and don't analyze them. If your mind becomes too attached to any one thought or image push it out.

What I find that works best is create your own mental image or word you can focus on. Lets say your mental image is of a flower. If your mind gets too attached to your thoughts or other images go back to the image of a flower and hold it in your mind for a few seconds and let it go which means your not trying to force the image to stay in your minds eye. It can stay or it can leave it doesn't matter. What matters is is allowing your mind to be still and allowing it to flow. It's like watching a river, your sitting on the edge of the embankment watching the water flow by. You get entranced by the calmness of the water. You can do the same with the thoughts and images in your head just watch them flow by and become entranced in the calmness.

This type of meditation practice watching and observing is one of the most beneficial I found for my life. The biggest benefit being 'letting go'. If you practice this you can use it outside of meditation. What if you could see the events of your day and watch them exactly as you watched the river of your mind pass by you? Life wouldn't drive you crazy anymore! Well not as bad anyways; we all slip up.

Have you ever seen the movie Peaceful Warrior? The young man in the story meets an old man who he finds intriguing and wise and wants to know how the old man can do the things he does. The old man teaches him to meditate. He makes the young man clean bathrooms and do daunting cleaning tasks and the young boy gets so angry and yells how the hell is cleaning a bathroom going to train my mind? The old man tells him he has to learn that everything we do is a meditation. Once you realize this, once you become fully aware of the present moment, any moment, cleaning toilets or driving your car you can master your mind which means to be present or aware.

The movie is based on true events that Dan Millman experienced who later became a medal winning gymnast and writer. He learned that when he focused on the moment and become fully present and aware he was able to perform better than he normally did. Believe me if I’m present I can not only do things better I can “do things”, meaning I can actually function. Sometimes brushing my teeth is an accomplishment, I don't need to be on New York’s Best Sellers List; I brushed my teeth! Alright, that would be nice too.