Pardon My French

I accept myself the way I am. Do you think I believed that hokey line? Nope. I am too crazy, my mind is all messed up. I screw my life up every chance I get. If I don't control my mental illness it will control me. The more I fight the less I win.

All I wanted was to be normal. I want to be able to get through each day flawless with no issues. Maybe you do too. Maybe you want to get through the day keeping a stable mood, a smile on your face, and have happy warm thoughts walking slowly by.

I tried writing hundreds of affirmations a day, “I love myself, I accept myself just as I am.” It would make a small improvement but it didn't take root. It didn't take root because I cared. I cared about my image, I cared about how others saw me, I cared how others reacted towards me.

After years of struggling to 'fix' myself I had a realization, I was deeply attached to those thoughts. An analogy is thoughts are like seeds and our mind is a garden. Those affirmations meant nothing as long as I already had a full garden. Our mind is full of attachments and as long as you identify with them you will never truly see yourself for who YOU are and what YOU can become.

I listened to what society told me was right. Society told me it's not acceptable to show my emotions so I bottled them up. People told me I am more intelligent so I shouldn't be working in the service industry, so I felt shame working. The world told me it is not okay to slow down, to relax, to take it easy so I don't lose my mind. There is no pause button on life although I have imagined it many times. But the big turning point for me was (pardon my french) F*ck it!

F*ck it; the westerners path to enlightenment. I first heard of this from John C. Parkins, F**k it the ultimate spiritual way. It sure is the ultimate spiritual way, I will attest to that. It's the equivalent to the concept of letting go of all attachments.

Did your spouse upset you? F*ck it! Did your kids make a huge scene in Target acting like wild animals? F*ck it! Did you need to finish a project but couldn't because you weren't feeling well? F*ck it!

We are told that we should learn our triggers as I have learned from educating myself for my bipolar disorder. What I came to find out is I have a enormous amount of triggers! It seems wiser just to hide in a cave in the wilderness and eat berry's all day. Of course I am not discouraging this method but for some of us I think we can gain more progress letting things go.

When this concept takes root in your mind you will feel a sense of peace. The world that was on your shoulders dissipates. The thoughts keeping you up at night become few and far between, and ultimately you will feel more confident and empowered. Then when the thought comes up, “I accept myself for who I am,” you will believe it.