Talking About Mental Illness

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How do you cope with traumatic events? How would you cope with a death of a parent or a failure of a relationship? You talk about it. Your friends and family will want to talk about it. Maybe you would talk about it with co-workers that are close to you or even a therapist. The same can be said about mental illness. How do you ever gain acceptance and move through the natural grieving process that occurs when your newly diagnosed or are recovering from a recent break from reality? Talking.

Even though we are in a new era of the growth of our race as humans and things like gay rights and pro-life/choice are at the top of the controversial topic list what about mental illness? It's something I think every human being can relate to. Look at these facts taken from ADAA:

• Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting 40 million adults in the United States age 18 and older (18% of U.S. Population).


• Major Depressive Disorder Affects approximately 14.8 million American adults, or about 6.7 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year.


• Many people with an anxiety disorder also have a co-occurring disorder or physical illness, which can make their symptoms worse and recovery more difficult. It’s essential to be treated for both disorders.

Talking about mental illness is what is going to erase stigma. I am not embarrassed to have a mental illness. I know it doesn't make me less or more than another human being, I view myself as equal to the homeless man on the corner and the president of our country. Everyone has their secrets their wrongs their failures. Every person on this earth is messed up in some way shape or form. The point is we try to do better. We strive to adapt and change and make our actions a little better today. When you have a mental illness and talk about it you try to find solutions, your trying to work through it. That's all that matters. Having an illness doesn't make you a bad person. Failing to gain control of your emotions and your struggle with reality doesn't make you wrong, bad, weak, stupid. It makes you strong everyday you wake up and try again.

Another part of a wellness kit that is to me top priority is to have a trusted person you can talk to. Whether it be a spouse, parent, friend, or even older children, someone that you can spill your guts to. Maybe you don't have a person that is supportive and understanding. Another option is to find a support group online, a forum for mental illness, posting in group forums or asking a member to be your support buddy. NAMI (National Alliance of Mental Illness) has a list for many programs such as peer-to-peer groups, family groups, and discussion forums.

I have not used forums for a long time because my husband is really good at listening (I taught him) and he is always ready for me to spill my crazy brain guts at him. I talk to him about catastrophic thoughts I am having, paranoia, topics that are causing anxiety, I even talk to him about suicidal ideations and imagery. I use to hide the fact that I had suicidal thoughts because I was afraid he would get mad or take me to the hospital. I am so grateful that I am able to talk about these things because I found that the more I voice my emotions the less emotionally overwhelming they become and the less I believe I will act on them.

If you have had thoughts of suicide or ideations of death or catastrophe you know how emotionally overwhelming they are. They are real and you just want it to stop. I can tell you from experience if you talk about it whether your calm or speaking through loud sobs get it out of your head! The imagery will lose their power.

When you have a mental illness it is normal to become anxious and angry about some small issues. Issues that after it's said and over with you realize are dumb. I've been there. It's normal. Still talk about it.

But then...

Then there are times when you don't know what to talk about. Depression and anxiety can come on without a reason why. It's just there. My husband would ask me,”What's wrong?” I would answer,”I don't know I’m just depressed.” Then he would ask,”What are you depressed about?”

There is no reason, it's depression, it's an unnameable thing. It's like a creature that lives inside of you and takes over your body. That's where they came up with that old school movie the The Body Snatchers (maybe, you never know). Depression is like a body snatcher.

Same thing goes with anxiety, mania, psychosis, sometimes a switch get's flipped and you find yourself in a different world. Talk about your world. What does your world look like, how does it feel?  

Most of the time I am good about talking but sometimes it takes a lot of prying and persistence from my husband to get me talking. I feel I don't want to talk about it because I am upset I am having these issues again for the millionth time and I feel embarrassed and mad at myself. I just want to get on with my life already. I'm tired of tripping over the same stones. 

Friends and Loved Ones

It's hard to hear someone you care about struggling with their mind, but the best thing you can do for them is listen. Let them spill their guts to you no matter what subject it is and allow them to feel that way. This means if they are having issues don't argue with them about the reasoning for their feelings. Arguing and devaluing their thoughts and feelings makes it worse. Like I said above, sometimes the reasons we are upset obviously are insignificant and I am sure we will realize it when we are stable minded, but at the moment it is consuming us. 

Realize that if you are involved with someone with a mental illness you are probably their only tie to reality. If they are losing their grip you have to pull them back. Both individuals must be on the same page with how to stay well. My husband knows what to do when he sees I am troubled. Sometimes I approach him and tell him my issues and sometimes he approaches me. He has told me that he can't help me if I don't talk. 

I am sure some spouses may feel embarrassed about talking about this topic (both parties) but if you want to stay healthy and happy it is an absolute necessity to talk about it. There are hundreds of ways to make a difference and help your spouse/family/friend stay healthy. The foundation of well-being starts with talking about it.