Pulling Out of Depression and Anxiety: Remembering Your Wellness Plan

Photo by Marsmet from Flickr

Last week I discussed writing as a way to cope with mental illness and trauma on a needed bases and as a long term coping method. This article I want to explain how I pulled out of deep depression and gripping anxiety using writing and meditation. This week has been unwittingly hard and my mental/emotional problems almost got the best of me, well in all honesty they did. I write about overcoming mental illness to help others and show you that you can gain control over your life but as I write this I still struggle greatly, day in and day out and the lessons and practical advice I write about has helped me but it hasn't cured me. I haven't found the cure for the deep suffering I and others encounter because unfortunately we are human and that’s what humans do, we suffer. Why do we suffer so much as humans? Unlike other creatures on this planet we have ego, we have a make believe self we must protect. I have been on a mission for as long as I can remember trying to fix my 'self.' Times like this week I ask myself, is all this work I have done to end my suffering been done in vain? No, not at all.

I have accepted that nothing will cure or end my suffering. From my experience no medication has cured me or any amount of therapy. No amount of wisdom, knowledge, truth, discipline has kept me completely safe from feeling pain. It is not because I am weak or that I am doing 'something' wrong, it's just apart of being human, a human that has a malfunctioning brain too. I can say with conviction that practicing a higher form of mental/emotional discipline and seeking truth and wisdom, and using tools such as meditation and writing has in fact 'eased' my suffering.

This week by all honesty was painful, not so much because life has thrown some curve balls but because my mind has got the best of me. I was brought to me knees with malicious anxiety that felt like someone poured hot lava inside my body and I was being boiled from the inside out. It was mentally/emotionally/physically painful. Depression came in right after and drug me to dark places, as dark as contemplating whether all this suffering is worth anything. Death was a near and dear friend. Needless to say it got bad, I had to put a stop to this. (By the way if your at all contemplating suicide please reach out to someone you trust or perhaps call this hotline number).

I started to write, I wrote so hard and furiously my hand ached, I wrote all the horrid thoughts that pounded the inside of my skull. I yelled and screamed and pleaded on paper until my thoughts took on a less emotional score, the words came out softer the anger and desperation started to lose their power. I started to write how I needed to meditate, I needed to find stillness. I needed to remember my practice, my purpose of peace, my purpose of overcoming my mind, of focusing my mind.

So I meditated. I meditated for 15 or so minutes. This time I meditated and focused on my breath. I did this because my mind was so jumbled and fatigued I needed to sit and listen and feel my breathe bring my attention and awareness down to earth.

Breathe Meditation

This is a traditional Buddhist mindfulness meditation, focusing on the breathe being the first foundation. There are four foundations which are practiced so that one may be mindful of experiences in their daily life. The first foundation is to focus on body sensations.

The breathe meditation can be done either sitting up or laying down (just don't fall asleep). Sit still and leave your hands either opened facing up or at least relaxed. You can close your eyes or keep them open and soften your gaze by looking at something still like the tip of your nose or near the ground. Your eyes will relax more if they gaze downward.

Now watch your breathe. Don't change your breathing, just breathe like you normally breathe. I use to botch this part up as I would always try to breathe deeply in, hold it, then let it go for a certain amount of counts. This is not the point of the meditation. The point is just to feel your breathe, feel your chest or stomach moving up and down, the air coming in your nose/mouth and out again.

When your mind wanders just focus your attention back to your breathe and feel the air, the movement, whatever sensation you feel related to your breathe. If you are in physical pain (which was the case for me recently since I injured my back) keep moving your attention back to your breathe. Don't judge your breathing just feel the breathe.

Realization

I realized after the meditation that I let my life get ahead of my coping capabilities and I never stopped to refocus on my practices, on my own prescribed wellness treatment. I saw that the wounded and suffering part of me was a delusion. That this fantasy 'self ' was taking things personal, she was beating herself up for not living up to my expectations.

I cannot expect wellness if I never take time out to practice being well. I realized that I must dedicate my life to being well to overcoming my mind and to reaching out to others. I don't want to succumb to the darkness of my mind, I don't want to believe in the lies it tells me, I have to strive every day focus again and again on what reality is, that in that moment when time is suspended it is just me and my breathe and for that brief moment I realize the truth.

Kara Moore from Flickr

Wellness Plan

This is how I got out of those dark places. To keep myself out I must stay on top of my wellness plan. This includes taking time out of my day to write, to ask myself how I am feeling, what I need, and meditation. My family walks around these rituals as they know just like a diabetic I need structure or I will become sick.

What makes you feel better? Meditation, taking a bath, writing, drawing, reading? Getting a tool kit together is imperative to maintaining wellness. There is a chapter in Bipolar for Dummies about creating a tool kit for bipolar. These are things like lifesavers that you can grab hold of when you start to fall into sickness. It also suggests involving your family, giving them tasks to do if they notice your behaviors off. 

Helpful Resources

Here is a website I found that explains more in depth about starting a mindfulness meditation practice it describes the different foundations of mindfulness and some great insights about the benefits of mindfulness. It also has a mental illness approach as well that may help you.

I hope you find peace on your journey and if you or someone you know has a mental illness leave a comment or email me with any tools, techniques, truths you've found that help you cope and stay well.