Thus far in my mental health blog I
have written about what I have experienced, what I have learned. I
took a leave of absence from last week because of not only battling
mental demons but physical as well. I have been through a lot in my
life, obviously dealing with mental illness, and if that wasn't
enough now I have another battle to fight; physical disability.
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I have had physical issues for awhile,
a lot of pain and an increasing difficulty walking and working my day
job. I have found out that I have Ehler-Danlos Syndrome which is a
connective tissue disorder which effects the collagen in my body. The
main characteristics are loose unstable joints, easy bruising,
elastic skin, full and partial dislocations and of course lots of
pain. I am not going to go into great depth about my struggles
physically but you can read more about it here at Zebra Living. I am however going to go into
the emotional and mental aspects of dealing with a physical/mental
disability.
Disability: A physical or mental condition that limits a person's movements, senses, or activities.
It is clear that mental disability can
be just as debilitating as a physical disability and people need to
recognize it as such. I had been guilty of considering myself weak
for my inability to accomplish certain tasks or handle situations
mentally. Our society teaches us that mental illness can be easily
overcome more so than a physical condition but that is not the case.
Both can be just as debilitating as the other. Both put limits on
your ability to function. So it can be true both can be managed and
dealt with. It is still possible to live life fully and achieve our
highest potential. We need to look at what happens to our 'self' when
we become disabled.
Loss Of Identity
It comes on gradually but you suddenly
realize something is missing. I sat thinking for awhile and I figured
out that this lonely empty feeling I had that tugged at my insides
was that I had lost my identity. I can't do what I once did, I can't
be the active outgoing social person I use to be, I had lost a part
of myself that kept me going. That kept me on my toes and involved in
life.
Physical and mental disability does
that, it robs you of aspects of yourself slowly and over time you
don't even know who you are anymore. You feel like an empty shell.
Your unsure of how to participate in life both socially and
personally.
Physical and mental disability
changes who you are. Many mental health bloggers have said you are
not your illness and while that is true it is still apart of you, it
colors much of your life whether you want it to or not. You can't
deny it or ignore it. If you suffer from a mental/physical disability
you have to take into account every daily activity you are apart of.
For me right now I have to think for
example how I will go grocery shopping. I have to wear braces from
head to toe to be able to walk, sometimes I need to think about
possibly using a wheel chair. If I do how will I manage my 3 kids?
Will I be in more pain if I go grocery shopping? Will I be able to do
my other chores later if I go grocery shopping?
Even though I am not my illness it
reminds me every second of the day it's there. The same can be said
about mental illness. Mentally I have to asses the same limits.
Whether I can handle a social situation and what actions will I take
if this or that happens. Both illnesses take a huge part in how I
live and manage my life.
Respect
Respect your illness, respect your
disabilities. Yes, you can overcome them but you can't force them to
go away. You can't force them to leave you alone when you got a
million things to do. They are with you and you must always take them
into account if you want to successfully manage them.
We learn to respect our elders for they
hold more wisdom. We learn to respect nature for it has a force that
could obliterate us. The same goes for illness. Respect it for
sometimes it has more power than we are consciously aware of. I know
from experience by denying the existence of my limits and my illness
it has under my conscious awareness destroyed my life. I respect it
now, I give it a voice and I give it what it needs.
Your disability and illness is a part
of your identity now. It shapes you. However, it's not all you are.
Sometimes when illnesses rob us of what made us who we are we need to
start over. We have to shape a new 'us' that includes our illness.
Learning to Live Again
Both mental and physical disability
robs us of self, of our identity, of who we thought or think we are.
That has to change now. To learn to live again you have to accept for
one that you have limits. You can't do everything you use to or what
others can do. Sometimes that means giving up jobs or careers we have
grown an identity with, lifestyles, daily activities, we have to take
in account of what we can do, how we can do it, accommodations we
need to do tasks, and really how much energy we have to do it. I
think any illness can be exhausting.
I've known I had become a different
person after I destroyed a vast majority of my social and personal life and
started to recognize I really had a mental issue but it didn't set in
that I was considered disabled until I became physically ill. Why is
that? I believe it comes down to physical disability is more
acceptable than mental disability. I didn't think I associated with
this concept until the physical disability set in.
I have a serious physical disability
that limits my mobility and causes a lot of pain. In my minds eye I
see a crippled old women who is frail and weak. But I have needed the
same support, the same medical help, the same “learning to live
again” thinking I did when I accepted the fact I had a mental
disability.
Next week we will be talking more about
learning to live again with a disability and tips and tricks to get
us back to living. This is so important as everyone can relate to
the loss of identity that happens when faced with health crises.
However, there is life after this downfall. Life always manages to go
on and we need to brush off our butts and get back to living life in
the drivers seat.
Attention Readers
Contact me and let me know what you
have gone through with a mental/physical disability and how you felt
when you realized you were limited. Did you feel lost? Confused? How
did you manage to get through it and have you succeeded? What did you do?
Contact me through email or through
Google+ and tell me your story. I'd love to include some passages
from your stories with your permission or give me ideas to share with others on what helped you. Thank you and see you soon!
Email: SamRoby84@gmail.com
